please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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