Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
