My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
