i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
last night I used snow as a chaser
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
