apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well you can't waste a boner
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
