New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
