she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
