whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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