He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
