Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
