We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
