I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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