I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
