I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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