Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
