Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
