5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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