so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In other news, I just burned my penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
