Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
