non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
