he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
