Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
