dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
