You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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