Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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