I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize