Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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