This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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