So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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