absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
