you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize