i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
