the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
