what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
