I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
