fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
