im about as happy as oj after his trial
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
