i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
