Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
