I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
