Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
