Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
