Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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