he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
