I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
