You really coming over, don't trick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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