I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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