i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
