Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have aggressive nipples.
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