I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
