his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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