hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
