this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
