Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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