I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
