Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize