You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
