Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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