It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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