Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
