So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
