we're chasing vodka with high fives
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
