If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
