I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
