he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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