Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
