The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
