I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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