If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
