The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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