So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
