Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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