After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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